The day has come, you finally got your reluctant kiddo in to see a counselor. Now what? Your head is swimming with thoughts and worries about what they are going to say, not say, or are they even going to talk?
Here are some important things to consider to ease your mind:
First, the hardest part is done—the first appointment and meeting the counselor for the first time can be scary and overwhelming. Be proud of yourself and your child for beginning the journey of healing.
Second, the therapist will spend time getting to know your child and build rapport—this may take time. And that’s okay! It’s like peeling the layers of an onion—sometimes the peels get stuck and you have to go at it from another angle to get the entire layer off. Stick with it. Making consistent weekly appointments is sometimes helpful, even if the child doesn’t talk for the first few sessions. Give the therapist time to figure out and try different techniques to help your child feel welcomed, safe, and comfortable so they can start talking.
Third, yes, they may say things that you don’t want them to say. That’s okay too. The therapist is there to weed through the information the child shared to best help your family. They aren’t there to judge you, they are there to help you and your child.
Now the appointment is over, you want to know everything they said, did, and what the therapist thought. You still have lots of questions swimming through your head!
Here’s how to handle yourself appropriately when that first appointment is over:
First, it’s important to stay in your adult self. If your child shares any information with you, don’t get emotional, don’t get defensive, don’t punish them for sharing something you didn’t want them to share, and don’t verbalize to them your concerns about what you think about the therapist, what the therapist said or didn’t say, or what the therapist did or didn’t do. If you have questions or concerns, call or email the therapist later.
Second, give them time to rest. Just remind them on the drive home that you are available to talk if they want. Let them know you are proud of them for going and how you admire their bravery. Don’t ask if they had fun. Don’t try to convince them to tell you what they talked about with the therapist.
Third, don’t expect the therapist to meet with you right then. The therapist will speak to you if they have concerns and will tell you only what they think you need to know. Therapists have strict confidentiality rules they have to abide by, even if the client is a minor.
Here are some skills the therapist may work on in therapy sessions:
problem-solving
decision-making
self-awareness
resolving & processing trauma
appropriately expressing feelings
expressing their needs
communication skills
impulse control
managing stress & anxiety
cultivating compassion
conflict resolution
Going through therapy can be confusing, highly emotional, and difficult at times. It can sometimes leave the parent feeling helpless and unsure of what they can do until healing is reached.
Here are some simple things you can do to support your child during the process:
give them hugs
allow them to ask for what they need
provide a safe place to express their feelings & needs
pay attention & avoid distractions when they are ready to share
help them feel accepted
play with them
love them unconditionally
treat them like you would want to be treated
give them space and time alone to process
establish healthy routines
get them outside
speak words of affirmation to them and about them
encourage creative activities—music, art, journaling, etc.
show humility—show your human side, admit mistakes, apologize when you mess up
be silent—they want to be heard, so let them be heard. Don’t be the first to give your opinion, in fact don’t always give your opinion. Instead, learn to ask open-ended questions and encourage them to seek answers for themselves. Then, be ready to explain things if they have questions.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to understand that a couple inconsistent sessions aren’t going to “fix” your child. Give your child time and space to process this new experience. Listen and be patient. Be open-minded to suggestions on how you can improve your parenting skills. Be open-minded to the idea of going to counseling or parenting classes yourself.
ARE YOU SEEKING MENTAL HEALTH THERAPY FOR YOUR CHILD OR FAMILY?
Harvest Counseling & Wellness is a Mental Health Counseling Practice in Argyle, Texas. We provide therapy for children and teens starting at three years of age struggling with issues related to anxiety, depression, relationships, bullying, abuse, and grief. Our office is located near Denton, Highland Village, Flower Mound, Lantana, Roanoke, and Justin. If you are looking for a therapist in Denton or surrounding areas, contact us today for a complimentary phone consultation, 940-294-7061.
